“Not Amused”: Buckingham Palace Scrambles as Princess Anne’s Moto-Cross Ambitions Go Viral

Following the digital earthquake caused by Princess Anne’s announcement that she is trading her horses for high-octane motorbikes,  Buckingham Palace has finally broken its silence. In a statement issued at 4:00 AM—presumably after several officials had finished their third pot of very strong tea—the Palace attempted to “clarify” the situation.

The Official “Damage Control”

The statement, printed on thick, cream-colored stationary that smelled faintly of lavender and panic, was a masterclass in royal diplomacy.

“While the Princess Royal remains a steadfast supporter of traditional equestrian sports, Her Royal Highness has always possessed a keen interest in engineering and mechanical efficiency,” the Palace spokesperson stated. “The recent reports of her entry into the ‘Extreme Moto-Cross World Tour’ are a reflection of her desire to… engage with the youth on a more kinetic level.”

Translation: She’s doing it, and there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop her.

The “Safety First” Protocol

The shockwaves have reached the highest levels of the British government. Rumors suggest that the Home Office is currently debating whether the Princess’s security detail (S014) needs to be replaced by a squadron of professional stunt riders.

Insiders at the Palace have leaked details of a “crisis meeting” held in the library, where King Charles reportedly asked if Anne could at least “start with a nice, quiet Vespa.” The Princess Royal’s response was, allegedly, a cold stare and a rev of a chainsaw she happened to be holding at the time.

Tensions in the Royal Garage

The announcement has created a hilarious divide within the Firm:

• The King: Is reportedly worried about the flower beds at Gatcombe Park being “shredded by knobby tires.”

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• The Prince of Wales: Is said to be “secretly jealous” and has been spotted looking at leather jackets online.

• The Queen Consort: Has suggested that if Anne is going to jump over school buses, she should at least do it while wearing a sensible brooch.

“The Anne Effect”

Despite the Palace’s attempt to temper the news, “Anne-mania” is sweeping the nation. Leather goods manufacturers are reporting a 400% increase in orders for “Royal Purple” racing suits. Meanwhile, the International Moto-Cross Federation has already reserved a VIP pit lane for the Royal Family, complete with a silver tea service and a mechanics’ bay draped in velvet.

“The Palace is terrified,” says one anonymous valet. “They spent centuries perfecting the art of the slow-moving carriage. Now, they have to figure out how to live-stream a 75-year-old Princess doing a ‘Superman’ over a mud pit on TikTok.”

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What’s Next?

As the Palace tries to manage the PR fallout, one thing is certain: Princess Anne is not backing down. She was seen yesterday afternoon practicing “donuts” in the Buckingham Palace courtyard, much to the dismay of the tourists and the pigeons.