“Meghan is trying to be supportive,” a frantic aide reportedly whispered, “but she keeps finding mashed banana smears on the antique tapestries. And the smell! Let’s just say Royal Lodge isn’t quite as ‘fresh’ these days. He’s also started wearing a bespoke tooth-grinding guard, even during interviews!”

 A ROYALLY MASHED-UP BRAND?

This wildly unconventional lifestyle choice is said to be the Prince’s latest attempt to “reconnect with the Earth” and “reject material superficiality.” But critics are already wondering how this will impact his multi-million dollar deals. Will he be able to host a podcast with a mouth full of… well, pureed carrots?

“He’s planning a new YouTube channel called ‘The Mashed Monarch’,” another source revealed, barely concealing their exasperation. “He wants to show people how to ‘live authentically’ by preparing delicious, tooth-friendly mush. He thinks it will be a global phenomenon. We think it’s just… weird.”

\ The Palace’s Pain: A Royal Root Canal?

Back in the UK, the Palace is reportedly in a state of utter disbelief. The King, it is said, choked on his morning tea upon hearing the news, convinced Harry was simply trying to outdo his brother William’s recent charity work by, well, not brushing his teeth.

“This is it,” a venerable royal commentator sighed, “The final frontier of royal rebellion. First Megxit, then the memoir, now… the great tooth-brushing abdication. What’s next? Will he give up showering? Will he try to communicate solely through interpretive dance? The mind boggles!”

The world now waits with bated breath (and perhaps a tube of toothpaste) to see if “Mashed Monarch Harry” will indeed inspire a global movement of oral neglect, or if this latest Montecito madness is simply another royal folly. One thing’s for sure: it’s never a dull moment with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex!